Mission Megumi

It has already been about two weeks since Mission Megumi ended! Time really flies because it feels like it was not that long ago when I was still thinking about going on MM and getting ready to apply for it. I got a taste of what it is like living and serving in Japan, and honestly, after coming to Korea straight after, I realised that I like certain things about Japan more than I do about Korea. The Japanese really are an amazing group of people.

My time here in Seoul has really been a time of slowing down, spending time with God and thinking about this coming year and my future and really surrendering it all to Him. Although, I am not fully sure of what He wants me to do, I know He is starting to give me hints and pointers to where He wants me to go. My biggest obstacle is letting go of the desires that I have and that others have for me and focusing on God's will alone. I feel my indecisiveness is also an issue but it seems that God is helping me work through that and bringing me down in humility to Him.

Anyway, I just want to share something I wrote during the debrief on project about what I learnt and what I was most thankful to God for. Before project, I sort of thought that it would just be us telling of God's grace to Japanese students. I always knew that God's grace is sufficient for me but on this project he really showed me what that means. Whenever an opportunity came up to share about Jesus, my testimony or the Gospel, I could see God's grace in the conversations not just for me in how and what words I used to share, but also for the students in terms of understanding and always having someone there to translate. In situations where I worried or got concerned that I wouldn't be able to communicate with or understand the students, God's grace flowed out and was truly sufficient for me.

Particularly at the Aussie culture night when I was on a table with 4 NGU girls (not the uni I was based at). I wondered how I was possibly going to share with these girls that I had just met about 15 minutes ago who weren't that confident with English either. But while I was worrying, I later realised that God had already prepared everything because from the start He provided and placed Saki on the table too. Although, she is just 13 I could see God's grace through her to be able to translate so that we could share with the students about the meaning of Christmas and do a short Gospel presentation, despite my worries that the conversation wouldn't get anywhere.

The passage from 2 Corinthians 12:9 has all the more meaning now:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is
made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly
about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

God really poured out His grace over my weaknesses during MM so that His power and sovereignity over everything would be made known.

wowow 11 more days and support raising completed!

I can't believe how quickly time has passed and now there is only 11 days to go before I fly to Sydney for MM briefing and training. I've also completed my support raising in the last week. I'm so thankful for the amazing amount of support from people at church. I'm really excited that it's almost time but also nervous as well.

I found out that I will be based at Kinjo University and will be leading the other team members who are also placed there. I've heard a lot about the girls at Kinjo Uni from Cecilia's email updates so I'm really looking forward to serving there. Being a uni with Christian roots, I think there are certain factors that will make it easier to share the Gospel but at the same time I know there will still be some difficulties/obstacles. I'm grateful for this opportunity even though I can't speak Japanese! I know that God is greater than any language barriers and difficulties we will experience.

Anyway I taught my last Sunday school class yesterday. There's 4 girls in my class and it has been a really great year with them. Although I know they still have a lot of questions and things to learn, I see their willing hearts to learn more about God and how they have grown and changed over the year. I do wish I could be an even better teacher to them because I realise that there's so much I still need to learn myself. But I know that I've learnt a lot already through preparing the lessons. I will try to make the lesson even more interesting from next year since I've gotten more experience and am more confident. I was happy with the sharing our class had in the last lesson as we got to reflect on the year but also just chat casually and get to know each other more, which I felt we lacked because I'm usually always trying to get through lesson content.

Can't wait for Mission Megumi nowwww!!!

one year on from BB

It has almost been a year since going on Beyond Brisbane! So many memories from that time. (Today was so hot! It reminded me of the weather in Brisbane...) Anyway, I just felt like posting the promo vid that was made with footage from our project.

60%!

I've raised about 60% of my support now! argh I still haven't given out letters to people who don't go to my church because the original letter I wrote doesn't include a lot of what I ended up sharing verbally at my church, which I would like to include in my letters. I'm really grateful though for all the support I've received from church because the sum I have to raise is quite a lot. I did kind of worry a tiny bit when I was sitting at about 20%, not knowing whether or not I would be able to meet the deadlines, but in actual fact, I haven't had to worry at all because of how God has been providing.

I think the letters I give out in the next week (when i get around to writing them up properly) will mainly be to gather up prayer supporters, because I know I can never have enough prayer support. And if any of these people are willing to give financially then I will be all the more grateful since they will be helping me round up the amount of support needed.

One more week of uni left to go~! I have around 5 assignments left to do argh!!!! All due within the next week. Everything should be officially done by next Monday and then I'm freeeeee!!! yay. Except I still need to get my last practicum report from one of the high schools I taught at and also sort out my enrolment stuff to see if I still need to repeat that subject... The system won't let me re-enrol for that subject because it says I've already done it so I need to go talk to someone at uni about it to get it all sorted out. Hoping that everything will work out ok :)

quick support update

I'm at 40% now with my support for Mission Megumi! Praise God for providing! What I have so far is mostly from church members but the church itself has also pledged an amount of money which they will give me later. That would bring me to about 50% woot! I'm yet to pass on letters to people outside of church because I need to fix up my letters to be suitable and explain what I'm doing more clearly.

Anyway, these next two weeks are pretty full on for me because it's the last two weeks of uni! Gotta get working on the mountain of work I have!

Jehovah-Jireh

I got to speak at church last week about Mission Megumi (in Chinese!) and church members started to support me straight away. Two weeks into support raising..I actually already have about 20% of the total raised! Praise God for this because He ALWAYS provides for our needs. I'm so grateful to Him for giving me a peace and comfort about all the support raising even before I had made a definite decision about going on this project. It gave me one less thing to worry about in applying for the project as I knew if it was God's will then He would provide everything in due time. I still have a fair way to go but I'm trusting in the Lord's provision for it all.

All praise to Jehovah-Jireh!

Mission Megumi and teaching

I've been meaning to update on things about Mission Megumi and teaching since maybe three weeks ago. That was when the application deadline for the summer project was and I still hadn't spoken to my parents about it. I was about to finish my first placement as well where I was teaching ESL. I had a good time at that school but I actually haven't got the report for my teaching at that school yet, because I had two supervisors.

Mission Megumi

Anyway, so it was the week the Mission Megumi application was due and I printed off the information and church leader reference to show my dad. He was pretty much the only person really suitable to fill in the form at my church so I needed to get his approval to go on the mission. I gave it to him in the morning before I went to teach at high school and then talked to him after I came back home that day. I couldn't really understand why but he was still not really supportive when I brought it up again. He was talking about the money needed, that it was a lot and was questioning how effective things would be. I don't really know what he was trying to get at because he was comparing the amount of money with the period of time that the team would be there and yeah he wasn't explaining to me what he really meant. I was quite frustrated and annoyed because I thought his reasons for not giving me support were sort of "stupid" because he is a pastor and of all things I didn't think money was something to worry about if we are working for the Lord. I realised though that there was no point in getting annoyed so I tried to stay calm and explain to my dad so that he wouldn't be so concerned and non-supportive.

Anyway he said that him and mum didn't like us asking church people for money. I didn't understand his reasoning but my sister had come out to help me talk to my dad because I had mentioned planning to go on the project to her. In the end, my dad agreed to fill in the reference form. He had remembered that an aunty at church had already said to him at the start of this year that she would support me if I went on another mission so that also helped. I hoped that he would remember that so he wouldn't worry as much, so I'm really thankful to God for already preparing the way since early on. I was very happy that my younger sister supported me too. At the time she was planning to go on summer project too so I'm really grateful to God for how he has been working in her in the past few months after MYC.

So I sent in the application and they received it the next week. About a week after that (on the 10th of September) I was officially accepted!! I need to start support raising ASAP, so I'm going to talk about the project tomorrow at church. But somehow the projects people have messed up some stuff and sent my information and deposit book to the wrong person (someone with the same surname as me...but different name :S) Anyway, hopefully I can get the stuff this week. I'm not really sure how things got messed up since my details on the projects website are correct.

Teaching

Anyway as for teaching, I finished all my placements yesterday. For the past three weeks I was doing my Chinese placement. Blehhh, there were ups and downs in the placement, but I'm glad I've finally finished! The year 7s and 8s were difficult to manage but I really liked the year 10s. Year 9s were ok too. It was a little difficult for me because of the way the Chinese teacher had set up the class. He taught each class with two sets of books because the students' levels ranged too much. And also because it was my first time teaching Chinese to high school students I wasn't really sure of the best way to do things (last time I taught primary school). So when I had to teach two different textbooks in one class, it felt like I was pretty much teaching two different classes at the same time. The supervising teacher helped with classroom management a bit but most times he was just on his laptop. He was on it every lesson, and only gave me written comments once. I didn't really like the placement, but also I couldn't put more effort into it. In a way, I didn't care so much because I just wanted to get through it. I sort of figured that I didn't really want to teach Chinese in the future so it was just like whatever...

In the end the supervisor gave me a pretty good report. He hadn't filled it out before the last day and was doing it with me while I was sitting there, so yeah I don't think it really reflected how I did on the placement. It's good that the report wasn't bad, but it doesn't really seem right. I know I need much more experience and confidence in myself. hmmm but confidence, humility, arrogance, inferiority. I think I struggle with these and to what extent I am displaying or am supposed to be displaying these. praying to be more like Christ...

August update

Finally told my parents about my study situation. I told my dad (and then he told my mum). Luckily he didn't blow up in anger because he was in the middle of watching TV when I told him. I wasn't too sure when my mum found out exactly because I went to work that night and also the next day until the afternoon. When my mum asked me about it, it was in the calmest manner ever(!) so I was surprised but thankful to God that the timing of everything was right and that my parents weren't too negative about the whole situation.

Anyway now that I've got that off my chest, I've still got to bring up Mission Megumi to my parents. I have three weeks until the deadline where all the paperwork has to be in. I start placement next week which will give me a much needed break from the assignments that I've already had to work on and hand in. I'm feeling quite a lot of pressure from all the things I've taken on and sometimes really just wanna cave in and give up. I feel as though when I'm doing things I'm not putting all my effort into it because there's so much to do. Like preparation for the humanities bible study, teaching sunday school and my assignments. In terms of serving God at church and at uni I've really realised my limitations in knowledge and ability and really wish I could do my part to change that but right now, it's something that I can't just fix straight away. I sorta lost track of what I was trying to get at, except that I know I can only get through all of this if I depend on God and not myself. I will bring up Mission Megumi again with my parents some time next week.

The other thing was, I'm struggling so hard to work with a classmate of mine for an assignment we had to do in groups. We could choose who to work with but I sorta just ended up with this person (because the class doesn't have a lot of students) but deep down, I didn't actually want to work with this student. I've known this person for awhile but I was never really close to them. When we met up to do our work, I don't know why it was so hard for me to work with them or agree with anything they said. There's several reasons why this was the case but I just didn't know how to deal with it or stop myself from reacting in a not so positive way or having a sorta stinky attitude to doing work with the student. I know I'm lacking love for this person. It's just so difficult when I can't see what there is to love about someone =.=" I have to work with this person again for a later project in the semester. But honestly I don't want to. I feel bad though because I know I'm only thinking about myself.

I was just looking up the word "selfish" on biblegateway and this verse came up: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." - Philippians 2:3
I realise I have a long way to go in terms of true humility. God, please humble me.

THANK YOU SO MUCH GOD!

After emailing the course advisor about my situation, I got a reply from him saying I can continue with this semester even though I didn't pass the third year subject. YAY! I'm so thankful to God for making everything work out. I prayed so much before I went to see the administrative officer first and then while I was typing out the email to the course advisor so that I could write the email in the best way. I'm so thankful for the prayers from the people around me as well. I don't know what I would have done without the support from the people God has placed in my life.

I haven't told anyone in my family yet. Since last week I was so tempted to tell either one of my sisters or even both, but I just couldn't. It's not that we don't have a good enough relationship but it's just that it is never steady and I was afraid of what would happen, what they would say or what they would think of me T__T Anyway I will have to let my family know very soon. I will be praying about it...

I've learnt my lesson. I know I wasn't a good student for that subject, especially my attitude towards it. I don't deserve any mercy but I'm so grateful that I wasn't punished too badly for my mistakes and that things aren't too messed up. I really don't know what came over me for that subject, I've never treated my studies so lightly. I know I can't be lazy for this semester, because as soon as I slack off, it will all fall apart and I don't want the same thing to happen again.

Anyway, I'm excited for another semester on campus. I can put more time into Student Life as well as doing the things I want to do like studying the bible, learning Japanese and learning guitar! I might be able to go to another MYC too! yay

Jeremiah 29:11

I did something wrong. I didn't pass a third year subject and it was entirely my own fault. The subject isn't hard at all, all I needed to do was submit the second assignment but I don't know why it was so difficult for me to do it. The worst thing is that I have this mentality of having to be happy with what work I submit and if I'm unsatisfied with the work then I really can't settle with anything I know isn't displaying my actual understanding. I feel like I'm trying to comfort myself but the main problems were because I had bad time management, no self-discipline and self-control and because I procrastinated. I couldn't handle the pressure of everything happening at once and having to do my placement around the same time too. Anyway I've paid the ultimate price for it and failed the subject.

Technically, I'm not allowed to do fourth year stuff unless I've passed all the third year subjects but because I was on exchange I was exempted. But now that I didn't pass that one subject I don't know what will happen. While I know I should see someone at the education office, I'm scared that if I see them they will tell me that I can't continue this semester because I failed that subject. But at the same time, if I don't see them and continue on they might end up telling me later that they can't count what I've done this semester because I didn't pass that subject. I'm hoping that I can continue this semester with what I'm doing and do the third year subject next year. This is a little annoying because I will have just the one subject to repeat but at the same time it will give me the opportunity to be involved in Student Life.

It has also totally changed my plans for the future. Originally I had mapped out the next three years but because of my wrongs I've had to change it all. I won't be able to go to Korea next year to teach English on the government sponsored program anymore. The option is still there but maybe in 2012. I was going to do further study as well but I don't think it's very suitable anymore. But I think going to Japan on a STINT (in 2011) is much more worthwhile. If things go to plan then next year I will be studying in the first half of the year and then I can have my graduation ceremony in the second half. I can also spend time during the whole year studying Japanese and more of the bible. Although, I've been studying education for the last four years I feel as though the thing I want to study the most is actually God's word.

At the start of the year when I was seeking God's guidance on what he wanted me to do in the future, I really wanted to know if my plans were his plans. This is actually what I've wanted, for my plans to slowly change to his. I was quite sad when I found out that I didn't pass that subject (because it was my own fault and made things quite troublesome) but it made me think of this verse from Jeremiah 29:11: '"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."' This has given me comfort over the fact that I can't go ahead with what I originally planned and how it was going to play out because I know that God's plans are much greater than mine.

Right now, my only concern is telling my parents. I don't want them to know :( But I know I can't hide it from them and that I need to be honest with them about it. I know they're not going to like it because I have to take longer to finish my degree and they're gonna tell me off. Many others will realise too because they will see me around for longer even though I've told people I was graduating this year. But actually the thing I'm worried about the most is having to tell my parents about this but also having to talk to them about Mission Megumi. I wish I had their support for it already because now if I have to bring up both things I know they will look down on me and criticise me and question me as a person. I know they'll say something like "how can you go on a mission and tell others about God when you can't even manage yourself and pass your subjects???" Anyway I'm trusting God that he will take care of things and that it'll all work out. I don't feel that good about what I have and haven't done and my flaws that have put me in this current situation. I will get over it though...

mission megumi

Applications for Student Life's summer projects wasn't open yet after MYC, so I was checking the site regularly to see when I could start to apply. I wrote last time that my parents weren't that supportive when I mentioned the project to them right after MYC and I thought to myself once the applications opened I would talk to them about it again. I didn't think it would be so soon but applications are now open online but I don't seem quite prepared to bring the topic up again with my parents. I know that if it's God's will then things will work out, it's just hard because it seems like I have to prove myself to my parents or convince them that going on this mission won't be a waste of time and that God will use me to make a difference on this project.

I will probably wait a bit longer before I bring it up again, because I figure I need to settle down into uni, pray about it and ask God to teach me what to say. I think it will be easier to gain my dad's support first because someone from church had actually already spoken to him several months ago about supporting me if I went on a summer project again. I was so amazed because at that time I had already been thinking about Mission Megumi but I hadn't told anyone yet. If my dad still remembers that then it might be easier to get full support from my parents. As for my mum, I'm just praying that God will work in her heart and that she will look past the money issue and that I will be able to talk to her clearly about the real purpose of the mission. Hopefully she will be able to understand why we raise support and turn her focus to what can actually happen on the mission instead of what happens before it.

I actually applied for the project already while I was writing this post...But because I need to wait for Renee to come back from the U.S. (to fill out some reference forms) I won't be able to submit all the forms until some time in August. It gives me time to talk to her about it and figure out how I will talk to my parents about it too.

I can't hold this in.. I'M SOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm really looking forward to meeting Japanese students and sharing the gospel with them. It's going to be challenging but I can't wait! Trying to teach myself some basic Japanese now... it's not really getting anywhere but hopefully because I studied Korean before, it will be easier for me to pick up.

Just one more thing, in the past two days my little sister has been meeting up with student life and american summer project people from her uni for the planning of an outreach. I'm so happy that she's getting involved and that MYC has really changed her attitude and understandings. I asked her if she was thinking about going on a summer project and she said maybe. If she went on one I think it would be a huge learning experience for her. I was thinking about how different she is from me but also how loveable she is. Sometimes I wish I could be a better sister to her. Anyway, I'm so thankful to God! He continually blows my mind with how awesome He is.

This is just a passage that we were trying to memorise at ISM yesterday and I thought I'd write it out:
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. ~Psalm 1~

MYC!!!!!! + monash (mainstream) + mission megumi

Back from MYC on Friday and can't believe that it's already over! Over the six days I learnt so much about the Holy Spirit!!! The talks really changed my understanding of the Holy Spirit and made me want to learn more about the bible and the language that was used in the original.

I'm so happy that my sister was able to go along too!!!!!!!!! When she said she didn't want to go to connexions back in april, I was a little annoyed because I had suggested she join student life at her uni but she wasn't involved at all. But God taught me to let go of that attitude of trying to control her and to just pray for her. I was so happy when I asked her if she wanted to go to MYC and she said yes. I think meeting a bunch of Christians from her uni and hearing about what Student Life is about has really changed how she thinks. Hopefully, MYC has changed how she spends her time at uni and her priorities.

and YAY got to see Shubo, Nobu, David and Anne! I remember after Beyond Brisbane we were saying see you at MYC!! Time has gone by so quickly. This year was probably my last MYC as well. At least as a student. :(

hmmm I feel sort of confused about the decision I made at the start of the year to stay in mainstream. I see the need in the mainstream ministry at monash, but at the same time I feel as though I don't really fit... It's a conflicting cultural identity issue and it's bugging me so much, because while I can't ignore the Australian part of me, I've realised what a big connection I have to the Asian side of me (which might be overpowering my aussieness). But the fact that I'm in my last semester and won't be at uni every week means that it's difficult for me to commit to anything at all. Makes me quite sad because I wanted to make the most of the last semester I have at uni. I don't know.

Anyway I'm preparing for Mission Megumi, the summer project to Japan (which will be in their winter). I mentioned it to my parents but their reaction was not ideal :( My dad questioned why I was thinking of going as if to say what point is there in you going? And then my mum reacted straight away to the whole money/support raising issue. She said she didn't like the asking for money thing from people at church to go on the project. I really can't understand why my parents who are Christians can't give me full support to go on this mission from the start. I can only pray that if it's God's will for me to go then I will gain 100% support from my parents because they are such a big part of my life and who I am today. I will update as more stuff happens. I know God will prepare the way.

실패

aah so frustrating. Today was such a mixed day. I don't feel worthy because I know I've let myself down. I don't really want to tell anyone but I have to get it out. One of my assignments was so late. I was trying to get it in but it has been so long that the lecturer called me asking me where my assignment was and that they were going on leave so they wouldn't be at uni. They said the most I can get for it is a pass. Usually I care a lot about my marks but I just really don't like this subject. I don't know why I let myself do this... I feel so bad. I mean the problem is that I've made it so that I can't get a good mark for the assignment. I hate how I'm not self-disciplined that I can't even finish what I'm supposed to get done. It's now one day until MYC. What frustrates me is that I let this get a hold of me so that I've screwed up any routines I had in spending time with God. I know I desperately need to turn back to Him. While I feel like a serious failure and just want to bawl my eyes out I know that if I call on God he will respond. I feel bad that I've named my blog what it is because I don't think I've fully relied on Him and I'm sick of crashing around not knowing where I'm headed. Please... take control of my life.

i will be okay. i know he has never left me. i will get back on track with his help.

I want to see amazing stuff happen next semester. in the arts faculty group. revival. a real movement on campus.
I don't want to drown in my iniquities again.

내 맘 속 깊이

I was one day away from finishing my placement and I got sick x.x now I have to finish it sometime before uni starts D: It's so annoying that I had to do the placement in the past few weeks anyway when I needed this time to study for my exam. And every time I try to study now, my eyes hurt and I fall asleep and get a bad headache because I desperately need rest from being sick. Worst thing is that I never got to print my lecture materials off and all the lectures can only be streamed so I need to study off my computer which makes everything worse than it already is. And my other final assignment is overdue but I don't have time to finish it because of this exam on tomorrow. I just don't care anymore x.x I just want it all to be over with.

I have enjoyed my placement teaching Chinese, and just during planning I've had all these ideas of stuff I could do, but then I have to remind myself again that I'm not studying primary education and that I had sorta decided I didn't want to teach Chinese. I'm sort of reconsidering my plans to do further study as the more I study and think back at how I went this semester, I realise that I really am not disciplined enough even though I got some good results. It has taken me four years but I still can't even get myself organised enough to get stuff in on time. I'm so frustrated with myself. It makes me wonder whether I should even pursue a teaching career. For now uni is just something I want to actually finish...to me the degrees aren't even important >.<

Anyway the main problem is that I've let myself slip away. I can't remember when the last time was that I sat down and spent time alone with God. I know my choice not to has been wrong but even now when I need Him the most, I just find that I have so little energy and just want to get all my study and work that I let build up out of the way. With only one week until MYC, I didn't want things to get like this. It will be a much needed booster for me and I just hope that I can fully recover by then. I'm just not in the mood right now to see anyone. I even missed church because of the way I'm feeling and so that I don't pass on my sickness (and so that I have more time to study) but I've never done this before. Everything about what's happening just doesn't seem right. I really want to get back on track.

Actually before I almost finished my placement, I was going to post about how I knew I had been wearing out my body and that as soon as it was done I would fix what I had been doing wrong. But I should've figured that my weak body wouldn't have held out and it didn't. The night before my last day of placement when I hadn't been feeling well, I was so hoping that I would be well enough to finish the last day because I REALLY didn't want this to carry on to next month. It's dragged on long and I'm well and truly sick of this placement stuff and how the stupid placement office can't do their job. I try so hard to be understanding but so much just doesn't make sense and gives us no reason to be understanding of the way they do stuff there. Bleh, anyway I know I haven't been treating my body well and I never listened to my parents especially my mum's advice to change my habits and now I'm suffering for it. I'm sorry for abusing what God gave me and for not having self-control and discipline and for not listening when I was rebuked.

On a more happier note, I watched the Mission Megumi promo video and the thought of going on Mission Megumi is really exciting. I don't know if God wants me to go for sure but so many things leading up to now have been saying YES and unless something big happens that changes the answer to no then I will be making myself available to go on this mission. I know God has been doing amazing things there now with the STINTers and that it's about time for revival in Japan. I've said this several times already I think but yes I want to be a part of God's revival in Japan! I know I'm lacking in so much but I pray that God will use me and the team that heads over to change lives there. The idea of a year-long STINT in Japan (after Mission Megumi) is crossing my mind more and more now...

placement 2

Started my second placement today at a primary school for Chinese. The kids are really cute :D
But seeing a few classes already, it makes me wonder how much of a difference "LOTE" teaching actually makes for second language learning. It's weird because I had never planned to being doing a placement at a primary school since my degree is for secondary teaching anyway. And as much as I do like being at a primary school I can't help but think that there is no point to teaching LOTE to most of these kids. Eh I don't like having this mentality because it will reflect into the way I teach, even if the students can't tell. I mean I keep thinking about how little time is actually spent on studying Chinese for them. 1 hour a week.. out of 168 hours that are in a week.. It only equates to 0.6% of a weeks time spent on Chinese. I can't believe I calculated that. I mean even in that 1 hour they barely speak any Chinese. It's no surprise when the lecturer in my second language class said that studying a second language for the whole of primary school (and maybe high school too) only equates to 48 hours in the target language country. It's a crazy statistic which made me laugh when I first heard it because it made me think of Chinese class in high school and I compared that to my exchange experience in Korea.

Anyway as much as I'm not feeling that positive about teaching here, I feel I should make the most of this opportunity to teach at a primary school, because I feel like God has given me the chance to have that little bit of experience so that it wouldn't be so difficult if I was to go to Korea to teach English (which would be at a primary school). Praying that everything will go well.

yay thank you God

eh past few days I've felt as though I was gonna break down because I have two assignments (which aren't very long) which I haven't finished which need to be in already x.x and then I was supposed to meet up with my mentor for a subject either last week or some time this week to show her my practicum folder (which I haven't organised yet) with all the required stuff as well as write four 500-word reflections which I haven't done either x.x my mentor was sick last week so I got some extra time but she emailed me today asking to meet on Friday. I didn't panic but the thought of having to finish both assignments and organise my folder and write the four pieces by Friday was a little too much for me to handle x.x

But luckily I haven't even finished my placement yet because the placement office couldn't get me a placement on time so now I'm two weeks behind. I emailed my mentor about it and she said there was no point in meeting if I hadn't finished the placement and she's going away on june 17 until I don't know when so YAY I have extra time now to make sure I get everything done. She's going to withhold my mark...it's just a pass grade only subject anyway -__-"

I'm so thankful to God for helping me out. I was about to burst from all the pressure. I was in the religious centre in the afternoon today because it's the only place at uni that I know will definitely be quiet (because hardly any people go in the main chapel). Anyway, it's the only place where I can really calm down and be free from any noise and just think about God. I have a lot of things to change about myself and I hate when I'm not putting God first in everything x.x Time has gone by so quickly and I only have one semester of uni left. I want to make this last semester count, to be used by God and to make a difference on campus (and in my friends' lives). I know God will answer my prayer because He already did. He showed and taught me so much this year already. I just don't want to finish uni thinking, knowing and regretting that I had wasted the time I had at uni and not given anything back to God over the four years that I've been at Monash. He is merciful.

(when I pressed post it messed up what I wrote so I had to rewrite part of it x.x i realise now it was because i used the face >_< thought I was using html coding D:)

힘들어

터질 것 같아ㅏㅏㅏㅏ
828282828282 시간이 부족하니까...

포기하고싶어 ㅠㅠ

난 정말 바보다 >.< 너무너무 늦어. 시간이 부족하고 나 정말 못 해 ㅜㅜ 왜 나 자꾸 이렇게 살아?
하나님...도와주세요 ㅡㅡ"

first placement completed!

It has been awhile since I last posted something. I had just gotten my placement last time I wrote something and now three weeks later I've finished the first placement I had at Meridian International School. I had a good three weeks there and got to teach two classes, both Year 12 VCAL classes, one called 'Reading and Writing', the other 'Oral English'. Majority of the students were from China (a lot of them were from Fujian). Anyway it was pretty easy to get along with the students because they were interested to know if I could speak Chinese and how old I was and everything.

I ended up teaching 20 periods over the two weeks. I think it was much easier taking the oral English class because it was easier to get the students to speak up since it was an oral class. There were a few times in the reading and writing class that I might've felt like running out of the class because it felt like I had no idea what I was doing. The kids were nice but yeah it was hard to get them to work >_< It seemed so hectic sometimes because I'd plan for three periods which were all on the one day, then it would be over but then I'd have to plan what I was doing the next day. It felt like an endless cycle. I found it quite difficult to plan stuff as well because they were VCAL classes and I didn't know anything about VCAL. I had to pick up the information and learn it as quickly as possible since I had to teach it which was quite a challenge. But once I saw students producing work that showed they actually understood the content that I taught it was quite a rewarding feeling.

Anyway after I finished the placement, I had to get an assignment in. I still have about 3 or 4 to go. I just handed in an assignment last week but then got an email from my tutor at the end of the week saying he hadn't received it :S what a pain but I have to resubmit it tomorrow. I have two more weeks of placement in June at Templeton Primary School teaching Chinese. I was sorta lost and speechless when I found out that I was placed in a primary school since I'm studying secondary teaching... but I guess I don't mind since it will be 'easier' because I won't have to teach harder stuff. I just hope I can control the classes D:

I have two more weeks of class yay. and my sister came back from the states um like two weeks ago. just felt like writing that. There's about 40 days until MYC too lol! I asked my younger sister if she wanted to go because she missed out on connexions and she seemed pretty willing so hopefully she'll get through the application process so that her decision is secure. It would be great for her to go since she hasn't been going to any student life stuff at her uni :( anyway that's all for now!

placement~!

Finally got half a placement for ESL at Meridian International School in the city. On Tuesday, I looked up the address on Google maps and there was a website so I clicked it. It took me to Meridian International Hotel School and I was like huh?!?! It had like info on hospitality certificates and I thought that I would be teaching students that are older than me. But then today I Googled the schools name and it came up with a different website which was the actual sort of language school side, where they teach year 10s to 12s. So yeah everything's sorted out because I got in touch with the teacher in charge of placements too and he told me all I needed to know. Getting pretty excited..but a little nervous as well. I'll be taking year 11s and year 12s aah will be there for the next 3 weeks!