After emailing the course advisor about my situation, I got a reply from him saying I can continue with this semester even though I didn't pass the third year subject. YAY! I'm so thankful to God for making everything work out. I prayed so much before I went to see the administrative officer first and then while I was typing out the email to the course advisor so that I could write the email in the best way. I'm so thankful for the prayers from the people around me as well. I don't know what I would have done without the support from the people God has placed in my life.
I haven't told anyone in my family yet. Since last week I was so tempted to tell either one of my sisters or even both, but I just couldn't. It's not that we don't have a good enough relationship but it's just that it is never steady and I was afraid of what would happen, what they would say or what they would think of me T__T Anyway I will have to let my family know very soon. I will be praying about it...
I've learnt my lesson. I know I wasn't a good student for that subject, especially my attitude towards it. I don't deserve any mercy but I'm so grateful that I wasn't punished too badly for my mistakes and that things aren't too messed up. I really don't know what came over me for that subject, I've never treated my studies so lightly. I know I can't be lazy for this semester, because as soon as I slack off, it will all fall apart and I don't want the same thing to happen again.
Anyway, I'm excited for another semester on campus. I can put more time into Student Life as well as doing the things I want to do like studying the bible, learning Japanese and learning guitar! I might be able to go to another MYC too! yay
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
Jeremiah 29:11
I did something wrong. I didn't pass a third year subject and it was entirely my own fault. The subject isn't hard at all, all I needed to do was submit the second assignment but I don't know why it was so difficult for me to do it. The worst thing is that I have this mentality of having to be happy with what work I submit and if I'm unsatisfied with the work then I really can't settle with anything I know isn't displaying my actual understanding. I feel like I'm trying to comfort myself but the main problems were because I had bad time management, no self-discipline and self-control and because I procrastinated. I couldn't handle the pressure of everything happening at once and having to do my placement around the same time too. Anyway I've paid the ultimate price for it and failed the subject.
Technically, I'm not allowed to do fourth year stuff unless I've passed all the third year subjects but because I was on exchange I was exempted. But now that I didn't pass that one subject I don't know what will happen. While I know I should see someone at the education office, I'm scared that if I see them they will tell me that I can't continue this semester because I failed that subject. But at the same time, if I don't see them and continue on they might end up telling me later that they can't count what I've done this semester because I didn't pass that subject. I'm hoping that I can continue this semester with what I'm doing and do the third year subject next year. This is a little annoying because I will have just the one subject to repeat but at the same time it will give me the opportunity to be involved in Student Life.
It has also totally changed my plans for the future. Originally I had mapped out the next three years but because of my wrongs I've had to change it all. I won't be able to go to Korea next year to teach English on the government sponsored program anymore. The option is still there but maybe in 2012. I was going to do further study as well but I don't think it's very suitable anymore. But I think going to Japan on a STINT (in 2011) is much more worthwhile. If things go to plan then next year I will be studying in the first half of the year and then I can have my graduation ceremony in the second half. I can also spend time during the whole year studying Japanese and more of the bible. Although, I've been studying education for the last four years I feel as though the thing I want to study the most is actually God's word.
At the start of the year when I was seeking God's guidance on what he wanted me to do in the future, I really wanted to know if my plans were his plans. This is actually what I've wanted, for my plans to slowly change to his. I was quite sad when I found out that I didn't pass that subject (because it was my own fault and made things quite troublesome) but it made me think of this verse from Jeremiah 29:11: '"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."' This has given me comfort over the fact that I can't go ahead with what I originally planned and how it was going to play out because I know that God's plans are much greater than mine.
Right now, my only concern is telling my parents. I don't want them to know :( But I know I can't hide it from them and that I need to be honest with them about it. I know they're not going to like it because I have to take longer to finish my degree and they're gonna tell me off. Many others will realise too because they will see me around for longer even though I've told people I was graduating this year. But actually the thing I'm worried about the most is having to tell my parents about this but also having to talk to them about Mission Megumi. I wish I had their support for it already because now if I have to bring up both things I know they will look down on me and criticise me and question me as a person. I know they'll say something like "how can you go on a mission and tell others about God when you can't even manage yourself and pass your subjects???" Anyway I'm trusting God that he will take care of things and that it'll all work out. I don't feel that good about what I have and haven't done and my flaws that have put me in this current situation. I will get over it though...
Technically, I'm not allowed to do fourth year stuff unless I've passed all the third year subjects but because I was on exchange I was exempted. But now that I didn't pass that one subject I don't know what will happen. While I know I should see someone at the education office, I'm scared that if I see them they will tell me that I can't continue this semester because I failed that subject. But at the same time, if I don't see them and continue on they might end up telling me later that they can't count what I've done this semester because I didn't pass that subject. I'm hoping that I can continue this semester with what I'm doing and do the third year subject next year. This is a little annoying because I will have just the one subject to repeat but at the same time it will give me the opportunity to be involved in Student Life.
It has also totally changed my plans for the future. Originally I had mapped out the next three years but because of my wrongs I've had to change it all. I won't be able to go to Korea next year to teach English on the government sponsored program anymore. The option is still there but maybe in 2012. I was going to do further study as well but I don't think it's very suitable anymore. But I think going to Japan on a STINT (in 2011) is much more worthwhile. If things go to plan then next year I will be studying in the first half of the year and then I can have my graduation ceremony in the second half. I can also spend time during the whole year studying Japanese and more of the bible. Although, I've been studying education for the last four years I feel as though the thing I want to study the most is actually God's word.
At the start of the year when I was seeking God's guidance on what he wanted me to do in the future, I really wanted to know if my plans were his plans. This is actually what I've wanted, for my plans to slowly change to his. I was quite sad when I found out that I didn't pass that subject (because it was my own fault and made things quite troublesome) but it made me think of this verse from Jeremiah 29:11: '"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."' This has given me comfort over the fact that I can't go ahead with what I originally planned and how it was going to play out because I know that God's plans are much greater than mine.
Right now, my only concern is telling my parents. I don't want them to know :( But I know I can't hide it from them and that I need to be honest with them about it. I know they're not going to like it because I have to take longer to finish my degree and they're gonna tell me off. Many others will realise too because they will see me around for longer even though I've told people I was graduating this year. But actually the thing I'm worried about the most is having to tell my parents about this but also having to talk to them about Mission Megumi. I wish I had their support for it already because now if I have to bring up both things I know they will look down on me and criticise me and question me as a person. I know they'll say something like "how can you go on a mission and tell others about God when you can't even manage yourself and pass your subjects???" Anyway I'm trusting God that he will take care of things and that it'll all work out. I don't feel that good about what I have and haven't done and my flaws that have put me in this current situation. I will get over it though...
Saturday, 18 July 2009
mission megumi
Applications for Student Life's summer projects wasn't open yet after MYC, so I was checking the site regularly to see when I could start to apply. I wrote last time that my parents weren't that supportive when I mentioned the project to them right after MYC and I thought to myself once the applications opened I would talk to them about it again. I didn't think it would be so soon but applications are now open online but I don't seem quite prepared to bring the topic up again with my parents. I know that if it's God's will then things will work out, it's just hard because it seems like I have to prove myself to my parents or convince them that going on this mission won't be a waste of time and that God will use me to make a difference on this project.
I will probably wait a bit longer before I bring it up again, because I figure I need to settle down into uni, pray about it and ask God to teach me what to say. I think it will be easier to gain my dad's support first because someone from church had actually already spoken to him several months ago about supporting me if I went on a summer project again. I was so amazed because at that time I had already been thinking about Mission Megumi but I hadn't told anyone yet. If my dad still remembers that then it might be easier to get full support from my parents. As for my mum, I'm just praying that God will work in her heart and that she will look past the money issue and that I will be able to talk to her clearly about the real purpose of the mission. Hopefully she will be able to understand why we raise support and turn her focus to what can actually happen on the mission instead of what happens before it.
I actually applied for the project already while I was writing this post...But because I need to wait for Renee to come back from the U.S. (to fill out some reference forms) I won't be able to submit all the forms until some time in August. It gives me time to talk to her about it and figure out how I will talk to my parents about it too.
I can't hold this in.. I'M SOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm really looking forward to meeting Japanese students and sharing the gospel with them. It's going to be challenging but I can't wait! Trying to teach myself some basic Japanese now... it's not really getting anywhere but hopefully because I studied Korean before, it will be easier for me to pick up.
Just one more thing, in the past two days my little sister has been meeting up with student life and american summer project people from her uni for the planning of an outreach. I'm so happy that she's getting involved and that MYC has really changed her attitude and understandings. I asked her if she was thinking about going on a summer project and she said maybe. If she went on one I think it would be a huge learning experience for her. I was thinking about how different she is from me but also how loveable she is. Sometimes I wish I could be a better sister to her. Anyway, I'm so thankful to God! He continually blows my mind with how awesome He is.
This is just a passage that we were trying to memorise at ISM yesterday and I thought I'd write it out:
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. ~Psalm 1~
I will probably wait a bit longer before I bring it up again, because I figure I need to settle down into uni, pray about it and ask God to teach me what to say. I think it will be easier to gain my dad's support first because someone from church had actually already spoken to him several months ago about supporting me if I went on a summer project again. I was so amazed because at that time I had already been thinking about Mission Megumi but I hadn't told anyone yet. If my dad still remembers that then it might be easier to get full support from my parents. As for my mum, I'm just praying that God will work in her heart and that she will look past the money issue and that I will be able to talk to her clearly about the real purpose of the mission. Hopefully she will be able to understand why we raise support and turn her focus to what can actually happen on the mission instead of what happens before it.
I actually applied for the project already while I was writing this post...But because I need to wait for Renee to come back from the U.S. (to fill out some reference forms) I won't be able to submit all the forms until some time in August. It gives me time to talk to her about it and figure out how I will talk to my parents about it too.
I can't hold this in.. I'M SOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm really looking forward to meeting Japanese students and sharing the gospel with them. It's going to be challenging but I can't wait! Trying to teach myself some basic Japanese now... it's not really getting anywhere but hopefully because I studied Korean before, it will be easier for me to pick up.
Just one more thing, in the past two days my little sister has been meeting up with student life and american summer project people from her uni for the planning of an outreach. I'm so happy that she's getting involved and that MYC has really changed her attitude and understandings. I asked her if she was thinking about going on a summer project and she said maybe. If she went on one I think it would be a huge learning experience for her. I was thinking about how different she is from me but also how loveable she is. Sometimes I wish I could be a better sister to her. Anyway, I'm so thankful to God! He continually blows my mind with how awesome He is.
This is just a passage that we were trying to memorise at ISM yesterday and I thought I'd write it out:
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. ~Psalm 1~
Monday, 13 July 2009
MYC!!!!!! + monash (mainstream) + mission megumi
Back from MYC on Friday and can't believe that it's already over! Over the six days I learnt so much about the Holy Spirit!!! The talks really changed my understanding of the Holy Spirit and made me want to learn more about the bible and the language that was used in the original.
I'm so happy that my sister was able to go along too!!!!!!!!! When she said she didn't want to go to connexions back in april, I was a little annoyed because I had suggested she join student life at her uni but she wasn't involved at all. But God taught me to let go of that attitude of trying to control her and to just pray for her. I was so happy when I asked her if she wanted to go to MYC and she said yes. I think meeting a bunch of Christians from her uni and hearing about what Student Life is about has really changed how she thinks. Hopefully, MYC has changed how she spends her time at uni and her priorities.
and YAY got to see Shubo, Nobu, David and Anne! I remember after Beyond Brisbane we were saying see you at MYC!! Time has gone by so quickly. This year was probably my last MYC as well. At least as a student. :(
hmmm I feel sort of confused about the decision I made at the start of the year to stay in mainstream. I see the need in the mainstream ministry at monash, but at the same time I feel as though I don't really fit... It's a conflicting cultural identity issue and it's bugging me so much, because while I can't ignore the Australian part of me, I've realised what a big connection I have to the Asian side of me (which might be overpowering my aussieness). But the fact that I'm in my last semester and won't be at uni every week means that it's difficult for me to commit to anything at all. Makes me quite sad because I wanted to make the most of the last semester I have at uni. I don't know.
Anyway I'm preparing for Mission Megumi, the summer project to Japan (which will be in their winter). I mentioned it to my parents but their reaction was not ideal :( My dad questioned why I was thinking of going as if to say what point is there in you going? And then my mum reacted straight away to the whole money/support raising issue. She said she didn't like the asking for money thing from people at church to go on the project. I really can't understand why my parents who are Christians can't give me full support to go on this mission from the start. I can only pray that if it's God's will for me to go then I will gain 100% support from my parents because they are such a big part of my life and who I am today. I will update as more stuff happens. I know God will prepare the way.
I'm so happy that my sister was able to go along too!!!!!!!!! When she said she didn't want to go to connexions back in april, I was a little annoyed because I had suggested she join student life at her uni but she wasn't involved at all. But God taught me to let go of that attitude of trying to control her and to just pray for her. I was so happy when I asked her if she wanted to go to MYC and she said yes. I think meeting a bunch of Christians from her uni and hearing about what Student Life is about has really changed how she thinks. Hopefully, MYC has changed how she spends her time at uni and her priorities.
and YAY got to see Shubo, Nobu, David and Anne! I remember after Beyond Brisbane we were saying see you at MYC!! Time has gone by so quickly. This year was probably my last MYC as well. At least as a student. :(
hmmm I feel sort of confused about the decision I made at the start of the year to stay in mainstream. I see the need in the mainstream ministry at monash, but at the same time I feel as though I don't really fit... It's a conflicting cultural identity issue and it's bugging me so much, because while I can't ignore the Australian part of me, I've realised what a big connection I have to the Asian side of me (which might be overpowering my aussieness). But the fact that I'm in my last semester and won't be at uni every week means that it's difficult for me to commit to anything at all. Makes me quite sad because I wanted to make the most of the last semester I have at uni. I don't know.
Anyway I'm preparing for Mission Megumi, the summer project to Japan (which will be in their winter). I mentioned it to my parents but their reaction was not ideal :( My dad questioned why I was thinking of going as if to say what point is there in you going? And then my mum reacted straight away to the whole money/support raising issue. She said she didn't like the asking for money thing from people at church to go on the project. I really can't understand why my parents who are Christians can't give me full support to go on this mission from the start. I can only pray that if it's God's will for me to go then I will gain 100% support from my parents because they are such a big part of my life and who I am today. I will update as more stuff happens. I know God will prepare the way.
Friday, 3 July 2009
실패
aah so frustrating. Today was such a mixed day. I don't feel worthy because I know I've let myself down. I don't really want to tell anyone but I have to get it out. One of my assignments was so late. I was trying to get it in but it has been so long that the lecturer called me asking me where my assignment was and that they were going on leave so they wouldn't be at uni. They said the most I can get for it is a pass. Usually I care a lot about my marks but I just really don't like this subject. I don't know why I let myself do this... I feel so bad. I mean the problem is that I've made it so that I can't get a good mark for the assignment. I hate how I'm not self-disciplined that I can't even finish what I'm supposed to get done. It's now one day until MYC. What frustrates me is that I let this get a hold of me so that I've screwed up any routines I had in spending time with God. I know I desperately need to turn back to Him. While I feel like a serious failure and just want to bawl my eyes out I know that if I call on God he will respond. I feel bad that I've named my blog what it is because I don't think I've fully relied on Him and I'm sick of crashing around not knowing where I'm headed. Please... take control of my life.
i will be okay. i know he has never left me. i will get back on track with his help.
I want to see amazing stuff happen next semester. in the arts faculty group. revival. a real movement on campus.
I don't want to drown in my iniquities again.
i will be okay. i know he has never left me. i will get back on track with his help.
I want to see amazing stuff happen next semester. in the arts faculty group. revival. a real movement on campus.
I don't want to drown in my iniquities again.
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