rant of random thoughts...

July 11 - post of random thoughts that I wrote a few weeks ago (June 22)

I got the STINT application package last week from Renee. I think it will take longer to fill out than I thought. I realise that this is a pretty big decision that I have to make and I'm a little worried that the decision I make isn't what God wants me to do. I've temporarily put aside the thought of my parents being 100% supportive of my decision to go on STINT because if this is my calling then I will follow through with it even if my parents don't entirely like the idea. But at the same time I'm still concerned because I will need my dad to fill out my pastor's reference form. I don't know why I feel this way, but the thought constantly comes up that I need to prove that I'm worthy of going on STINT to my dad (and to others), even though I know that I will never really be 'qualified'.

Not really sure either, why the thought has crept in that all the things that have happened in the last 2 years that have pointed towards Japan do not actually equate to a call to go serve there as a missionary. Having said that though, my desire to go serve there hasn't diminished in any way in the last half year since Mission Megumi and those thoughts I've been having are probably a result of feeling a bit lost about my future and having completed my course. I guess I've been a little insecure about graduating from studying education since I've haven't been 100% sure whether this is what God wanted me to do and am not even sure if this is the area I want to work in in the future too. Even though I hoped the uncertainty would go away, it has stuck with me throughout the whole duration of my course; whether I made the right choice to study education or not. And my parents didn't help a whole lot because even though they encouraged me in my decision to study education, I could always tell that they didn't really think I would ever make a good teacher or be suitable for such a job.

The other thing that has crossed my mind is whether there are things that certain people should simply not do. Was I just trying to force myself into the teacher mould even though I'm not suited for such a role? I wonder if I really fit such a position...

This is not that related but also, as a Christian, shouldn't the ability to lead a bible study or teach on a passage/topic be something that we can all do? Shouldn't we all be able to share the Gospel with someone with the same ease that we have when it comes to say breathing or eating? People try to excuse themselves from certain areas of service because they're not "gifted" in that area or are they just too lazy to learn or too comfortable with how things are. It's something I've seen at my church with people in all age groups who would rather be spoon-fed and stay as a baby who can't do anything for themselves, rather than be challenged and actually grow in maturity. argh I don't know

Finished!

ALL DONE WOOHOO!

Final week as a student

:( Last week was my final week 13 as a student. Even though I will still plan to stick around uni and help out at SL for the rest of the year, the reality is that I'm no longer a student! Last Wednesday was the final weekly meeting for me as a student too. I did feel a little sad when we were watching a video Brian made about the semester that had just passed. So much happened and the time seriously has just flown by. It really feels like yesterday when I first started uni and didn't really have any idea what I was doing. I'm glad to be finishing though. I had a few bad dreams though about not being able to graduate because of problems to do with my subjects, but luckily they're just dreams.

It was also my final week working at Nando's. Sad that it's all over, to not be working with my workmates there anymore and no more free food :( But at the same time, very relieved to finally finish up and not have to work there anymore. After I worked my final shift I attended the last ISM meeting and was farewelled. We had a time of sharing and praying for each other which was very encouraging, especially as it seemed like everything was wrapping up for me to move onto another stage of my life. I was also glad to have the opportunity to share with an international student and encourage them to come to MYC.

While there have been many "lasts", there have also been a few "firsts". We had our first MYC fundraiser on Saturday which I MC-ed with Arni and our first try at a study break/chill out area during SWOT VAC today. The fundraiser was a success and I think those that shared their testimonies (Roxanne (student), Brian (missionary) and Anna (former student)) were greatly used by God. Also got to catch up with my old discipler, Meredith and meet a guy who has a heart for Japan! As for the study break area we were running today, I could see that some students really appreciated the services we provided, especially the food/lunch, so hopefully in the next two days it will continue to be a positive environment and that we will have the opportunity to have spiritual conversations with students. I tried to get involved today but kept thinking back to the assignment that I have to finish. Hope I can get most of it done tomorrow so I can go in on Wednesday and help out with the study break stuff.