I was one day away from finishing my placement and I got sick x.x now I have to finish it sometime before uni starts D: It's so annoying that I had to do the placement in the past few weeks anyway when I needed this time to study for my exam. And every time I try to study now, my eyes hurt and I fall asleep and get a bad headache because I desperately need rest from being sick. Worst thing is that I never got to print my lecture materials off and all the lectures can only be streamed so I need to study off my computer which makes everything worse than it already is. And my other final assignment is overdue but I don't have time to finish it because of this exam on tomorrow. I just don't care anymore x.x I just want it all to be over with.
I have enjoyed my placement teaching Chinese, and just during planning I've had all these ideas of stuff I could do, but then I have to remind myself again that I'm not studying primary education and that I had sorta decided I didn't want to teach Chinese. I'm sort of reconsidering my plans to do further study as the more I study and think back at how I went this semester, I realise that I really am not disciplined enough even though I got some good results. It has taken me four years but I still can't even get myself organised enough to get stuff in on time. I'm so frustrated with myself. It makes me wonder whether I should even pursue a teaching career. For now uni is just something I want to actually finish...to me the degrees aren't even important >.<
Anyway the main problem is that I've let myself slip away. I can't remember when the last time was that I sat down and spent time alone with God. I know my choice not to has been wrong but even now when I need Him the most, I just find that I have so little energy and just want to get all my study and work that I let build up out of the way. With only one week until MYC, I didn't want things to get like this. It will be a much needed booster for me and I just hope that I can fully recover by then. I'm just not in the mood right now to see anyone. I even missed church because of the way I'm feeling and so that I don't pass on my sickness (and so that I have more time to study) but I've never done this before. Everything about what's happening just doesn't seem right. I really want to get back on track.
Actually before I almost finished my placement, I was going to post about how I knew I had been wearing out my body and that as soon as it was done I would fix what I had been doing wrong. But I should've figured that my weak body wouldn't have held out and it didn't. The night before my last day of placement when I hadn't been feeling well, I was so hoping that I would be well enough to finish the last day because I REALLY didn't want this to carry on to next month. It's dragged on long and I'm well and truly sick of this placement stuff and how the stupid placement office can't do their job. I try so hard to be understanding but so much just doesn't make sense and gives us no reason to be understanding of the way they do stuff there. Bleh, anyway I know I haven't been treating my body well and I never listened to my parents especially my mum's advice to change my habits and now I'm suffering for it. I'm sorry for abusing what God gave me and for not having self-control and discipline and for not listening when I was rebuked.
On a more happier note, I watched the Mission Megumi promo video and the thought of going on Mission Megumi is really exciting. I don't know if God wants me to go for sure but so many things leading up to now have been saying YES and unless something big happens that changes the answer to no then I will be making myself available to go on this mission. I know God has been doing amazing things there now with the STINTers and that it's about time for revival in Japan. I've said this several times already I think but yes I want to be a part of God's revival in Japan! I know I'm lacking in so much but I pray that God will use me and the team that heads over to change lives there. The idea of a year-long STINT in Japan (after Mission Megumi) is crossing my mind more and more now...
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
placement 2
Started my second placement today at a primary school for Chinese. The kids are really cute :D
But seeing a few classes already, it makes me wonder how much of a difference "LOTE" teaching actually makes for second language learning. It's weird because I had never planned to being doing a placement at a primary school since my degree is for secondary teaching anyway. And as much as I do like being at a primary school I can't help but think that there is no point to teaching LOTE to most of these kids. Eh I don't like having this mentality because it will reflect into the way I teach, even if the students can't tell. I mean I keep thinking about how little time is actually spent on studying Chinese for them. 1 hour a week.. out of 168 hours that are in a week.. It only equates to 0.6% of a weeks time spent on Chinese. I can't believe I calculated that. I mean even in that 1 hour they barely speak any Chinese. It's no surprise when the lecturer in my second language class said that studying a second language for the whole of primary school (and maybe high school too) only equates to 48 hours in the target language country. It's a crazy statistic which made me laugh when I first heard it because it made me think of Chinese class in high school and I compared that to my exchange experience in Korea.
Anyway as much as I'm not feeling that positive about teaching here, I feel I should make the most of this opportunity to teach at a primary school, because I feel like God has given me the chance to have that little bit of experience so that it wouldn't be so difficult if I was to go to Korea to teach English (which would be at a primary school). Praying that everything will go well.
But seeing a few classes already, it makes me wonder how much of a difference "LOTE" teaching actually makes for second language learning. It's weird because I had never planned to being doing a placement at a primary school since my degree is for secondary teaching anyway. And as much as I do like being at a primary school I can't help but think that there is no point to teaching LOTE to most of these kids. Eh I don't like having this mentality because it will reflect into the way I teach, even if the students can't tell. I mean I keep thinking about how little time is actually spent on studying Chinese for them. 1 hour a week.. out of 168 hours that are in a week.. It only equates to 0.6% of a weeks time spent on Chinese. I can't believe I calculated that. I mean even in that 1 hour they barely speak any Chinese. It's no surprise when the lecturer in my second language class said that studying a second language for the whole of primary school (and maybe high school too) only equates to 48 hours in the target language country. It's a crazy statistic which made me laugh when I first heard it because it made me think of Chinese class in high school and I compared that to my exchange experience in Korea.
Anyway as much as I'm not feeling that positive about teaching here, I feel I should make the most of this opportunity to teach at a primary school, because I feel like God has given me the chance to have that little bit of experience so that it wouldn't be so difficult if I was to go to Korea to teach English (which would be at a primary school). Praying that everything will go well.
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
yay thank you God
eh past few days I've felt as though I was gonna break down because I have two assignments (which aren't very long) which I haven't finished which need to be in already x.x and then I was supposed to meet up with my mentor for a subject either last week or some time this week to show her my practicum folder (which I haven't organised yet) with all the required stuff as well as write four 500-word reflections which I haven't done either x.x my mentor was sick last week so I got some extra time but she emailed me today asking to meet on Friday. I didn't panic but the thought of having to finish both assignments and organise my folder and write the four pieces by Friday was a little too much for me to handle x.x
But luckily I haven't even finished my placement yet because the placement office couldn't get me a placement on time so now I'm two weeks behind. I emailed my mentor about it and she said there was no point in meeting if I hadn't finished the placement and she's going away on june 17 until I don't know when so YAY I have extra time now to make sure I get everything done. She's going to withhold my mark...it's just a pass grade only subject anyway -__-"
I'm so thankful to God for helping me out. I was about to burst from all the pressure. I was in the religious centre in the afternoon today because it's the only place at uni that I know will definitely be quiet (because hardly any people go in the main chapel). Anyway, it's the only place where I can really calm down and be free from any noise and just think about God. I have a lot of things to change about myself and I hate when I'm not putting God first in everything x.x Time has gone by so quickly and I only have one semester of uni left. I want to make this last semester count, to be used by God and to make a difference on campus (and in my friends' lives). I know God will answer my prayer because He already did. He showed and taught me so much this year already. I just don't want to finish uni thinking, knowing and regretting that I had wasted the time I had at uni and not given anything back to God over the four years that I've been at Monash. He is merciful.
(when I pressed post it messed up what I wrote so I had to rewrite part of it x.x i realise now it was because i used the face >_< thought I was using html coding D:)
But luckily I haven't even finished my placement yet because the placement office couldn't get me a placement on time so now I'm two weeks behind. I emailed my mentor about it and she said there was no point in meeting if I hadn't finished the placement and she's going away on june 17 until I don't know when so YAY I have extra time now to make sure I get everything done. She's going to withhold my mark...it's just a pass grade only subject anyway -__-"
I'm so thankful to God for helping me out. I was about to burst from all the pressure. I was in the religious centre in the afternoon today because it's the only place at uni that I know will definitely be quiet (because hardly any people go in the main chapel). Anyway, it's the only place where I can really calm down and be free from any noise and just think about God. I have a lot of things to change about myself and I hate when I'm not putting God first in everything x.x Time has gone by so quickly and I only have one semester of uni left. I want to make this last semester count, to be used by God and to make a difference on campus (and in my friends' lives). I know God will answer my prayer because He already did. He showed and taught me so much this year already. I just don't want to finish uni thinking, knowing and regretting that I had wasted the time I had at uni and not given anything back to God over the four years that I've been at Monash. He is merciful.
(when I pressed post it messed up what I wrote so I had to rewrite part of it x.x i realise now it was because i used the face >_< thought I was using html coding D:)
Monday, 1 June 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)