Flying to Brisbane really soon!! I wrote up my testimony yesterday. It felt good to get it out after thinking about it for so long. I feel really nervous right now. About everything but also about having to share the thing I wrote. I don't think it really reflects how God has made an impact in my life, I feel as though the way I've conveyed the story of how I came to Christ is not how I really feel deep down. I want to share my experiences but I really suck at putting my thoughts together and getting straight to the point. I realise I need God so much, that it's not about what I can do, but that God let me experience the things I did.
Eh I'm really confused right now. I don't know where this is heading. I just know that God gave me the courage and confidence to stand up and although I still get scared I know that there's nothing I have to fear. Because I belong to God. I don't need to be afraid of anything because God is with me.

With only a few days to go before I head to Brisbane on a summer project, I wonder to myself 'am I really prepared? Will God use me?' I'm both excited and nervous about the whole experience and although I have all these worries, I know I can never be fully prepared. If I keep waiting for the point where I feel I'm completely "prepared", I know I'll never step out to be used by God. I've been putting off the finalising of my testimony. It feels so over the place and I don't really know which bits are really worth sharing. I feel a little down that although the project is coming up, I still haven't sorted out my testimony and what kind of things I'd like to share when I'm there. I know God has done so many things in my life but the constant struggle I have to change, to turn away from distractions is stopping me from putting all my thoughts together. I keep thinking that I don't have an amazing story to share, a life-changing testimony, which in a way is true. But despite having grown up going to church, it has never meant that my spiritual state has always been good; actually, far from it. Right now I don't even know what I'm saying, it's just then when I think about the things that have happened to me in the past few years, I feel as if they should've been things I realised or experienced way earlier. I'm constantly worrying about how people would view me as a pastor's kid who is only experiencing these kind of things now.. who is only stepping out to evangelise now. I know I shouldn't care what people think, because it doesn't matter, it's never too late to experience God. I feel stupid sometimes for thinking about things like that. I feel stupid that after all I experienced when I was in Korea, I've let myself slide again and am constantly struggling to change myself. I don't want to live trapped in my old self. I know I can't do it out of my own strength but I lack faith to let God give me that strength and to take control of my broken life. I need to trust in God and let Him change me...