I was one day away from finishing my placement and I got sick x.x now I have to finish it sometime before uni starts D: It's so annoying that I had to do the placement in the past few weeks anyway when I needed this time to study for my exam. And every time I try to study now, my eyes hurt and I fall asleep and get a bad headache because I desperately need rest from being sick. Worst thing is that I never got to print my lecture materials off and all the lectures can only be streamed so I need to study off my computer which makes everything worse than it already is. And my other final assignment is overdue but I don't have time to finish it because of this exam on tomorrow. I just don't care anymore x.x I just want it all to be over with.
I have enjoyed my placement teaching Chinese, and just during planning I've had all these ideas of stuff I could do, but then I have to remind myself again that I'm not studying primary education and that I had sorta decided I didn't want to teach Chinese. I'm sort of reconsidering my plans to do further study as the more I study and think back at how I went this semester, I realise that I really am not disciplined enough even though I got some good results. It has taken me four years but I still can't even get myself organised enough to get stuff in on time. I'm so frustrated with myself. It makes me wonder whether I should even pursue a teaching career. For now uni is just something I want to actually finish...to me the degrees aren't even important >.<
Anyway the main problem is that I've let myself slip away. I can't remember when the last time was that I sat down and spent time alone with God. I know my choice not to has been wrong but even now when I need Him the most, I just find that I have so little energy and just want to get all my study and work that I let build up out of the way. With only one week until MYC, I didn't want things to get like this. It will be a much needed booster for me and I just hope that I can fully recover by then. I'm just not in the mood right now to see anyone. I even missed church because of the way I'm feeling and so that I don't pass on my sickness (and so that I have more time to study) but I've never done this before. Everything about what's happening just doesn't seem right. I really want to get back on track.
Actually before I almost finished my placement, I was going to post about how I knew I had been wearing out my body and that as soon as it was done I would fix what I had been doing wrong. But I should've figured that my weak body wouldn't have held out and it didn't. The night before my last day of placement when I hadn't been feeling well, I was so hoping that I would be well enough to finish the last day because I REALLY didn't want this to carry on to next month. It's dragged on long and I'm well and truly sick of this placement stuff and how the stupid placement office can't do their job. I try so hard to be understanding but so much just doesn't make sense and gives us no reason to be understanding of the way they do stuff there. Bleh, anyway I know I haven't been treating my body well and I never listened to my parents especially my mum's advice to change my habits and now I'm suffering for it. I'm sorry for abusing what God gave me and for not having self-control and discipline and for not listening when I was rebuked.
On a more happier note, I watched the Mission Megumi promo video and the thought of going on Mission Megumi is really exciting. I don't know if God wants me to go for sure but so many things leading up to now have been saying YES and unless something big happens that changes the answer to no then I will be making myself available to go on this mission. I know God has been doing amazing things there now with the STINTers and that it's about time for revival in Japan. I've said this several times already I think but yes I want to be a part of God's revival in Japan! I know I'm lacking in so much but I pray that God will use me and the team that heads over to change lives there. The idea of a year-long STINT in Japan (after Mission Megumi) is crossing my mind more and more now...
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
placement 2
Started my second placement today at a primary school for Chinese. The kids are really cute :D
But seeing a few classes already, it makes me wonder how much of a difference "LOTE" teaching actually makes for second language learning. It's weird because I had never planned to being doing a placement at a primary school since my degree is for secondary teaching anyway. And as much as I do like being at a primary school I can't help but think that there is no point to teaching LOTE to most of these kids. Eh I don't like having this mentality because it will reflect into the way I teach, even if the students can't tell. I mean I keep thinking about how little time is actually spent on studying Chinese for them. 1 hour a week.. out of 168 hours that are in a week.. It only equates to 0.6% of a weeks time spent on Chinese. I can't believe I calculated that. I mean even in that 1 hour they barely speak any Chinese. It's no surprise when the lecturer in my second language class said that studying a second language for the whole of primary school (and maybe high school too) only equates to 48 hours in the target language country. It's a crazy statistic which made me laugh when I first heard it because it made me think of Chinese class in high school and I compared that to my exchange experience in Korea.
Anyway as much as I'm not feeling that positive about teaching here, I feel I should make the most of this opportunity to teach at a primary school, because I feel like God has given me the chance to have that little bit of experience so that it wouldn't be so difficult if I was to go to Korea to teach English (which would be at a primary school). Praying that everything will go well.
But seeing a few classes already, it makes me wonder how much of a difference "LOTE" teaching actually makes for second language learning. It's weird because I had never planned to being doing a placement at a primary school since my degree is for secondary teaching anyway. And as much as I do like being at a primary school I can't help but think that there is no point to teaching LOTE to most of these kids. Eh I don't like having this mentality because it will reflect into the way I teach, even if the students can't tell. I mean I keep thinking about how little time is actually spent on studying Chinese for them. 1 hour a week.. out of 168 hours that are in a week.. It only equates to 0.6% of a weeks time spent on Chinese. I can't believe I calculated that. I mean even in that 1 hour they barely speak any Chinese. It's no surprise when the lecturer in my second language class said that studying a second language for the whole of primary school (and maybe high school too) only equates to 48 hours in the target language country. It's a crazy statistic which made me laugh when I first heard it because it made me think of Chinese class in high school and I compared that to my exchange experience in Korea.
Anyway as much as I'm not feeling that positive about teaching here, I feel I should make the most of this opportunity to teach at a primary school, because I feel like God has given me the chance to have that little bit of experience so that it wouldn't be so difficult if I was to go to Korea to teach English (which would be at a primary school). Praying that everything will go well.
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
yay thank you God
eh past few days I've felt as though I was gonna break down because I have two assignments (which aren't very long) which I haven't finished which need to be in already x.x and then I was supposed to meet up with my mentor for a subject either last week or some time this week to show her my practicum folder (which I haven't organised yet) with all the required stuff as well as write four 500-word reflections which I haven't done either x.x my mentor was sick last week so I got some extra time but she emailed me today asking to meet on Friday. I didn't panic but the thought of having to finish both assignments and organise my folder and write the four pieces by Friday was a little too much for me to handle x.x
But luckily I haven't even finished my placement yet because the placement office couldn't get me a placement on time so now I'm two weeks behind. I emailed my mentor about it and she said there was no point in meeting if I hadn't finished the placement and she's going away on june 17 until I don't know when so YAY I have extra time now to make sure I get everything done. She's going to withhold my mark...it's just a pass grade only subject anyway -__-"
I'm so thankful to God for helping me out. I was about to burst from all the pressure. I was in the religious centre in the afternoon today because it's the only place at uni that I know will definitely be quiet (because hardly any people go in the main chapel). Anyway, it's the only place where I can really calm down and be free from any noise and just think about God. I have a lot of things to change about myself and I hate when I'm not putting God first in everything x.x Time has gone by so quickly and I only have one semester of uni left. I want to make this last semester count, to be used by God and to make a difference on campus (and in my friends' lives). I know God will answer my prayer because He already did. He showed and taught me so much this year already. I just don't want to finish uni thinking, knowing and regretting that I had wasted the time I had at uni and not given anything back to God over the four years that I've been at Monash. He is merciful.
(when I pressed post it messed up what I wrote so I had to rewrite part of it x.x i realise now it was because i used the face >_< thought I was using html coding D:)
But luckily I haven't even finished my placement yet because the placement office couldn't get me a placement on time so now I'm two weeks behind. I emailed my mentor about it and she said there was no point in meeting if I hadn't finished the placement and she's going away on june 17 until I don't know when so YAY I have extra time now to make sure I get everything done. She's going to withhold my mark...it's just a pass grade only subject anyway -__-"
I'm so thankful to God for helping me out. I was about to burst from all the pressure. I was in the religious centre in the afternoon today because it's the only place at uni that I know will definitely be quiet (because hardly any people go in the main chapel). Anyway, it's the only place where I can really calm down and be free from any noise and just think about God. I have a lot of things to change about myself and I hate when I'm not putting God first in everything x.x Time has gone by so quickly and I only have one semester of uni left. I want to make this last semester count, to be used by God and to make a difference on campus (and in my friends' lives). I know God will answer my prayer because He already did. He showed and taught me so much this year already. I just don't want to finish uni thinking, knowing and regretting that I had wasted the time I had at uni and not given anything back to God over the four years that I've been at Monash. He is merciful.
(when I pressed post it messed up what I wrote so I had to rewrite part of it x.x i realise now it was because i used the face >_< thought I was using html coding D:)
Monday, 1 June 2009
Thursday, 21 May 2009
first placement completed!
It has been awhile since I last posted something. I had just gotten my placement last time I wrote something and now three weeks later I've finished the first placement I had at Meridian International School. I had a good three weeks there and got to teach two classes, both Year 12 VCAL classes, one called 'Reading and Writing', the other 'Oral English'. Majority of the students were from China (a lot of them were from Fujian). Anyway it was pretty easy to get along with the students because they were interested to know if I could speak Chinese and how old I was and everything.
I ended up teaching 20 periods over the two weeks. I think it was much easier taking the oral English class because it was easier to get the students to speak up since it was an oral class. There were a few times in the reading and writing class that I might've felt like running out of the class because it felt like I had no idea what I was doing. The kids were nice but yeah it was hard to get them to work >_< It seemed so hectic sometimes because I'd plan for three periods which were all on the one day, then it would be over but then I'd have to plan what I was doing the next day. It felt like an endless cycle. I found it quite difficult to plan stuff as well because they were VCAL classes and I didn't know anything about VCAL. I had to pick up the information and learn it as quickly as possible since I had to teach it which was quite a challenge. But once I saw students producing work that showed they actually understood the content that I taught it was quite a rewarding feeling.
Anyway after I finished the placement, I had to get an assignment in. I still have about 3 or 4 to go. I just handed in an assignment last week but then got an email from my tutor at the end of the week saying he hadn't received it :S what a pain but I have to resubmit it tomorrow. I have two more weeks of placement in June at Templeton Primary School teaching Chinese. I was sorta lost and speechless when I found out that I was placed in a primary school since I'm studying secondary teaching... but I guess I don't mind since it will be 'easier' because I won't have to teach harder stuff. I just hope I can control the classes D:
I have two more weeks of class yay. and my sister came back from the states um like two weeks ago. just felt like writing that. There's about 40 days until MYC too lol! I asked my younger sister if she wanted to go because she missed out on connexions and she seemed pretty willing so hopefully she'll get through the application process so that her decision is secure. It would be great for her to go since she hasn't been going to any student life stuff at her uni :( anyway that's all for now!
I ended up teaching 20 periods over the two weeks. I think it was much easier taking the oral English class because it was easier to get the students to speak up since it was an oral class. There were a few times in the reading and writing class that I might've felt like running out of the class because it felt like I had no idea what I was doing. The kids were nice but yeah it was hard to get them to work >_< It seemed so hectic sometimes because I'd plan for three periods which were all on the one day, then it would be over but then I'd have to plan what I was doing the next day. It felt like an endless cycle. I found it quite difficult to plan stuff as well because they were VCAL classes and I didn't know anything about VCAL. I had to pick up the information and learn it as quickly as possible since I had to teach it which was quite a challenge. But once I saw students producing work that showed they actually understood the content that I taught it was quite a rewarding feeling.
Anyway after I finished the placement, I had to get an assignment in. I still have about 3 or 4 to go. I just handed in an assignment last week but then got an email from my tutor at the end of the week saying he hadn't received it :S what a pain but I have to resubmit it tomorrow. I have two more weeks of placement in June at Templeton Primary School teaching Chinese. I was sorta lost and speechless when I found out that I was placed in a primary school since I'm studying secondary teaching... but I guess I don't mind since it will be 'easier' because I won't have to teach harder stuff. I just hope I can control the classes D:
I have two more weeks of class yay. and my sister came back from the states um like two weeks ago. just felt like writing that. There's about 40 days until MYC too lol! I asked my younger sister if she wanted to go because she missed out on connexions and she seemed pretty willing so hopefully she'll get through the application process so that her decision is secure. It would be great for her to go since she hasn't been going to any student life stuff at her uni :( anyway that's all for now!
Thursday, 23 April 2009
placement~!
Finally got half a placement for ESL at Meridian International School in the city. On Tuesday, I looked up the address on Google maps and there was a website so I clicked it. It took me to Meridian International Hotel School and I was like huh?!?! It had like info on hospitality certificates and I thought that I would be teaching students that are older than me. But then today I Googled the schools name and it came up with a different website which was the actual sort of language school side, where they teach year 10s to 12s. So yeah everything's sorted out because I got in touch with the teacher in charge of placements too and he told me all I needed to know. Getting pretty excited..but a little nervous as well. I'll be taking year 11s and year 12s aah will be there for the next 3 weeks!
Sunday, 19 April 2009
end of mid-sem break :[
The mid-semester is coming to an end! The day before Good Friday I was trying to get my two assignments in on time or else I would lose 15% if I handed them in late because of the extra long weekend. Thank God I got them both in because I was so exhausted from several days of working on them in a row and losing a lot of sleep and getting sick! With them out of the way, I was able to really focus on remembering what Jesus did for us over the Easter weekend.
On Monday I went to Connexions camp and I had an awesome time. Prayer at 7AM was hard to get up for but starting off the day with God made a real difference. The talks and discussion got me really thinking about my future and how God wants to use me as part of His mission. I'm a little uncertain about what God really wants me to do after I graduate but I'm hoping that He will reveal all in due time. It was a good two days of fellowship with other Student Lifers but now the break is pretty much over and uni will be starting again on Monday.
Right now, I still have no placement. Everyone will be starting to get around to teaching from Monday but since I don't know when I'll get a school yet, it makes me so uncertain about how everything will work out. I'm planning to spend Tuesday and Wednesday doing Student Life stuff at uni but if I suddenly get placed in a school then I won't be able to be a part of the stuff during the day at uni. It makes things difficult for me to meet up with any SL students that I might be looking to meet up with because of how unstable my timetable is even though I don't have classes these two weeks. I may make an appointment but then not be able to turn up because I get placed, so hopefully I can figure something out.
Anyway these upcoming weeks will be bumpy because on top of completing placement I'll have my assignments to do which are reliant on me doing my placement...
On Monday I went to Connexions camp and I had an awesome time. Prayer at 7AM was hard to get up for but starting off the day with God made a real difference. The talks and discussion got me really thinking about my future and how God wants to use me as part of His mission. I'm a little uncertain about what God really wants me to do after I graduate but I'm hoping that He will reveal all in due time. It was a good two days of fellowship with other Student Lifers but now the break is pretty much over and uni will be starting again on Monday.
Right now, I still have no placement. Everyone will be starting to get around to teaching from Monday but since I don't know when I'll get a school yet, it makes me so uncertain about how everything will work out. I'm planning to spend Tuesday and Wednesday doing Student Life stuff at uni but if I suddenly get placed in a school then I won't be able to be a part of the stuff during the day at uni. It makes things difficult for me to meet up with any SL students that I might be looking to meet up with because of how unstable my timetable is even though I don't have classes these two weeks. I may make an appointment but then not be able to turn up because I get placed, so hopefully I can figure something out.
Anyway these upcoming weeks will be bumpy because on top of completing placement I'll have my assignments to do which are reliant on me doing my placement...
Saturday, 4 April 2009
update: placement
ok so I'm done waiting for my placements, because they still haven't got me one. And now that highschools have two weeks holiday it pretty much means they won't be able to get me into a school for week 7 which is when I'm supposed to start teaching. I don't even have any classes for that week because my third year classes won't be running because THEY'LL be on placements too. It sucks so much because why have they gotten placements and I haven't? TT___TT So pretty much they won't be looking these two weeks, they'll spend that week 7 still looking and if I still don't get one then I'm screwed. And then I have to make up for the time missed because they haven't got me a placement in June. Sometimes it makes me wonder why? I mean does God not want me to be doing this? I'm so confused about it all right now. I don't want to think about it :[
Thursday, 2 April 2009
(>_<)!!!!!!
the wait is killing meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i think i'm gonna go crazy
it's so frustrating that i STILL don't have a placement. i really can't seem to concentrate on anything like my readings, assignments, homework etc. because i can't stop thinking about the whole placement situation >_< >_< >_< >_< i'm so helpless right now~!!!
Anyway, today at SL Live we had a guest speaker, Harold Vallins who used to be a rabbi but became a Christian. His testimony was so amazing. I learnt so much about how Jewish people think and he explained so many things about Passover that I had no idea about. I saw how small things that make up the festivals actually have really big significance and how everything relates back to Jesus. I also realised it's never always about what we say to people that brings them to Christ. Yes it's important to declare the gospel but it's just as important to live it out in our lives. Harold's testimony was evidence of the fact that it's not just about the words, but actions are just as powerful, and just through the way his friend treated him, his eyes were opened to truly see Jesus.
I sort of can't believe that I wrote about these two different things in the one post. At first I just wrote the first part about my placement and my emotions were just everywhere, feelings of frustration, worry, unease... But then I edited to write about today's SL talk because it left such a deep impression for me. The feeling was totally different as I typed the second part. I realised how not at peace I was initially. When I think of Jesus and turn my eyes to Him, all those crazy feelings just go away.
And then it hits me... that I actually have to do some readings for uni >_<
But I want to change... to be more like Jesus.
it's so frustrating that i STILL don't have a placement. i really can't seem to concentrate on anything like my readings, assignments, homework etc. because i can't stop thinking about the whole placement situation >_< >_< >_< >_< i'm so helpless right now~!!!
Anyway, today at SL Live we had a guest speaker, Harold Vallins who used to be a rabbi but became a Christian. His testimony was so amazing. I learnt so much about how Jewish people think and he explained so many things about Passover that I had no idea about. I saw how small things that make up the festivals actually have really big significance and how everything relates back to Jesus. I also realised it's never always about what we say to people that brings them to Christ. Yes it's important to declare the gospel but it's just as important to live it out in our lives. Harold's testimony was evidence of the fact that it's not just about the words, but actions are just as powerful, and just through the way his friend treated him, his eyes were opened to truly see Jesus.
I sort of can't believe that I wrote about these two different things in the one post. At first I just wrote the first part about my placement and my emotions were just everywhere, feelings of frustration, worry, unease... But then I edited to write about today's SL talk because it left such a deep impression for me. The feeling was totally different as I typed the second part. I realised how not at peace I was initially. When I think of Jesus and turn my eyes to Him, all those crazy feelings just go away.
And then it hits me... that I actually have to do some readings for uni >_<
But I want to change... to be more like Jesus.
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Placement
God please take control! I really need a placement. I'm supposed to be starting tomorrow but I figured that I won't be able to start on time since they haven't got me into a school yet. I guess it gives me some more time to do my assignments. yay how fun
Saturday, 7 March 2009
God's blessings
I've decided to write about some stuff that was on my mind for a very long time. (It's gonna be sorta long.)
For the longest time I've had a dilemma for this year about how I would spend my time at uni. I prayed that I wouldn't waste any of this year but to make the most of every opportunity I had to serve God at uni. One of the regrets that I've had is that I wandered around aimlessly for way too long after I started uni and hadn't had a desire to grow closer to God. I regret not making the most of my first year of uni when it wasn't all that intense, when I would've had the most time to serve God on campus. And now that I'm in my fourth and final year I look back and wish I hadn't wasted so much time.
But I know that it's never too late to step out and serve God wholeheartedly. Before uni started when I was thinking over where God wanted me to serve this year at uni, I have to admit that I was feeling rather down knowing that it was necessary for me to make a decision and to let go of certain things. I didn't know what God wanted me to do and I just wanted to wait on Him. But the more I waited the more problems it seemed to cause for me. The main problem was that the whole dilemma was mainly my own fault because I had been involved in two clubs and when I approached my parents to ask them for help with my decision they just seemed to criticise everything about me and what I did. I was actually really hurt because of the way they said things to me but at the same time I didn't really know what I wanted to get out of talking to them about it.
I wanted to question God about why I had to be in this difficult situation. But I realised that it had been because of my own choices. I was bound to the Cantonese Christian Fellowship (admin-wise) because I had made myself available to be the secretary again this year and had already been elected. But at the same time I was challenged to become a Key Volunteer in Student Life. Truthfully, my ability to be involved in any club is limited because of the teaching rounds I have to go on and the workload that I'll face for uni. It's only the first week and I already feel that I will struggle a lot to stay on top.
CCF
This period of time when I was thinking about my involvement in both clubs, I started to question my motives in serving at CCF. I had two motives, one was just because I could help with the administration side of things and two, because I believed that it was God's will for this fellowship to keep going at Monash. Without a complete committee, the club can't continue on. The reason why I first got involved in the committee in my second year was because of the second reason, because I had seen how there were so many Hong Kong students and what a great harvest it is. I know that besides admin stuff and just chatting to students about stuff I don't really have much other abilities in terms of leading anything in Cantonese or praying or having deep spiritual conversations in Cantonese. As time passed I had started to feel pressure that I couldn't do any of these and that I couldn't actually contribute much to the club. But the whole time I was thinking about me, me, me; what could I do? what could I not do?
I talked to Nobu and he gave me some verses (Luke 22:42, Acts 5:39, Proverbs 19:21) and I realised regardless of what "I" can or cannot do, that so long as it is God's will then it WILL continue to go on, even if I can't commit to it. It really isn't about how much I can contribute because it isn't about me at all. My contribution is so small in comparison to what God can actually do with His power. I experienced that this week at the welcome party for CCF. It was raining during the day and I was doubting whether the people who said they would come, would actually come. I don't know why I let myself become so little in faith because God has taught me time and time again (during Beyond Brisbane) that rain won't stop people coming. There were so many people at the welcome party (PRAISE GOD!!!) and then I was reminded again why I had wanted to be a part of CCF. Because of the great harvest I knew was here at Monash amongst Cantonese speaking students.
Student Life
I've learnt so much from being in Student Life and it was through SL that I realised how distant my relationship with God actually was. I really saw the importance of evangelism on campus during this period of time when uni students have so much freedom and time. I realised through SL that I didn't want to go through my uni years not having done anything for our Lord while I had the chance. SL/CCC has an important part in my heart because of how God used these both here and in Korea to bring me back to Him and what was actually important. So when Renee challenged me to become a Key Volunteer, the only thing stopping me was my involvement in CCF. I felt so torn but because English is my first language, I realised that in the long run I would be much more comfortable in SL and working with Aussie students.
I mentioned that I had wanted to ask God why all of this was happening because it caused so many problems for me. But then I remembered the prayer I had prayed some time during the holiday, that I would be able to make the most of all of this year to serve God. I realised that God was answering my prayer and giving me a chance to fully serve HIm because I know if I only continued with CCF then I would graduate not having really made up for my past regrets.
This first week of uni has been rough, because I've found out that one tute time that I have to go to now is over SL Live time which means I'll miss out (even though I really don't want to!!) I had also gotten a scare from an education email saying that I could've been incorrectly enrolled because of not having completed past core units. Luckily the lady understood because I had been on exchange and had come to an agreement with Jenny Brown. Stuff flashed through my mind after I read the email and thought of what it would be like if I had to study an extra year. But hopefully that will not be the case. Two steps before all of this clears away is for my education exchange units to get credited and for Keasty, the guy in charge, to give approval for everything.
All of this showed me how God really does take care of me. I know my parents care for me so much, but when I think of my creator, I really can't start to imagine how much love and care he actually has for me. I think I'm very lucky and a lot of good things do come my way. But even as others may just see it as lucky, I KNOW that everything has been part of God's blessings for me. I recognise that it is God's blessing to me that I can actually be a part of two of His ministries on campus. And that the difficulties I went through was to make me realise where my focus really should be and how blessed I really am.
For the longest time I've had a dilemma for this year about how I would spend my time at uni. I prayed that I wouldn't waste any of this year but to make the most of every opportunity I had to serve God at uni. One of the regrets that I've had is that I wandered around aimlessly for way too long after I started uni and hadn't had a desire to grow closer to God. I regret not making the most of my first year of uni when it wasn't all that intense, when I would've had the most time to serve God on campus. And now that I'm in my fourth and final year I look back and wish I hadn't wasted so much time.
But I know that it's never too late to step out and serve God wholeheartedly. Before uni started when I was thinking over where God wanted me to serve this year at uni, I have to admit that I was feeling rather down knowing that it was necessary for me to make a decision and to let go of certain things. I didn't know what God wanted me to do and I just wanted to wait on Him. But the more I waited the more problems it seemed to cause for me. The main problem was that the whole dilemma was mainly my own fault because I had been involved in two clubs and when I approached my parents to ask them for help with my decision they just seemed to criticise everything about me and what I did. I was actually really hurt because of the way they said things to me but at the same time I didn't really know what I wanted to get out of talking to them about it.
I wanted to question God about why I had to be in this difficult situation. But I realised that it had been because of my own choices. I was bound to the Cantonese Christian Fellowship (admin-wise) because I had made myself available to be the secretary again this year and had already been elected. But at the same time I was challenged to become a Key Volunteer in Student Life. Truthfully, my ability to be involved in any club is limited because of the teaching rounds I have to go on and the workload that I'll face for uni. It's only the first week and I already feel that I will struggle a lot to stay on top.
CCF
This period of time when I was thinking about my involvement in both clubs, I started to question my motives in serving at CCF. I had two motives, one was just because I could help with the administration side of things and two, because I believed that it was God's will for this fellowship to keep going at Monash. Without a complete committee, the club can't continue on. The reason why I first got involved in the committee in my second year was because of the second reason, because I had seen how there were so many Hong Kong students and what a great harvest it is. I know that besides admin stuff and just chatting to students about stuff I don't really have much other abilities in terms of leading anything in Cantonese or praying or having deep spiritual conversations in Cantonese. As time passed I had started to feel pressure that I couldn't do any of these and that I couldn't actually contribute much to the club. But the whole time I was thinking about me, me, me; what could I do? what could I not do?
I talked to Nobu and he gave me some verses (Luke 22:42, Acts 5:39, Proverbs 19:21) and I realised regardless of what "I" can or cannot do, that so long as it is God's will then it WILL continue to go on, even if I can't commit to it. It really isn't about how much I can contribute because it isn't about me at all. My contribution is so small in comparison to what God can actually do with His power. I experienced that this week at the welcome party for CCF. It was raining during the day and I was doubting whether the people who said they would come, would actually come. I don't know why I let myself become so little in faith because God has taught me time and time again (during Beyond Brisbane) that rain won't stop people coming. There were so many people at the welcome party (PRAISE GOD!!!) and then I was reminded again why I had wanted to be a part of CCF. Because of the great harvest I knew was here at Monash amongst Cantonese speaking students.
Student Life
I've learnt so much from being in Student Life and it was through SL that I realised how distant my relationship with God actually was. I really saw the importance of evangelism on campus during this period of time when uni students have so much freedom and time. I realised through SL that I didn't want to go through my uni years not having done anything for our Lord while I had the chance. SL/CCC has an important part in my heart because of how God used these both here and in Korea to bring me back to Him and what was actually important. So when Renee challenged me to become a Key Volunteer, the only thing stopping me was my involvement in CCF. I felt so torn but because English is my first language, I realised that in the long run I would be much more comfortable in SL and working with Aussie students.
I mentioned that I had wanted to ask God why all of this was happening because it caused so many problems for me. But then I remembered the prayer I had prayed some time during the holiday, that I would be able to make the most of all of this year to serve God. I realised that God was answering my prayer and giving me a chance to fully serve HIm because I know if I only continued with CCF then I would graduate not having really made up for my past regrets.
This first week of uni has been rough, because I've found out that one tute time that I have to go to now is over SL Live time which means I'll miss out (even though I really don't want to!!) I had also gotten a scare from an education email saying that I could've been incorrectly enrolled because of not having completed past core units. Luckily the lady understood because I had been on exchange and had come to an agreement with Jenny Brown. Stuff flashed through my mind after I read the email and thought of what it would be like if I had to study an extra year. But hopefully that will not be the case. Two steps before all of this clears away is for my education exchange units to get credited and for Keasty, the guy in charge, to give approval for everything.
All of this showed me how God really does take care of me. I know my parents care for me so much, but when I think of my creator, I really can't start to imagine how much love and care he actually has for me. I think I'm very lucky and a lot of good things do come my way. But even as others may just see it as lucky, I KNOW that everything has been part of God's blessings for me. I recognise that it is God's blessing to me that I can actually be a part of two of His ministries on campus. And that the difficulties I went through was to make me realise where my focus really should be and how blessed I really am.
Friday, 6 March 2009
Goodbye Summer holidays
Ok so it's been way too long since I last posted.
Update on the past few weeks/month:
Update on the past few weeks/month:
- had my 21st birthday!
- took part in the ISM project at uni to meet some international students while they were enroling
- went to Student Life Pre-Season training (preparation for O-Week)
- went to the awesome BBQ held by ISM as well before uni started (had a great turnout!! God never fails to surprise us)
- Helped out during O-Week at CCF and Student Life
- had some driving lessons
- realised that my final summer holidays as a uni student was coming to an end :(
- started uni (yay! and aww at the same time)
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Nick Vujicic
I just wanted to share some videos of Nick Vujicic sharing at a church. I was really touched when I first saw a video of him on facebook. I came across a video of him again from the site biblebasics and then started watching other videos of him sharing his testimony. His story is so powerful, it made me cry watching videos of him sharing in front of school kids and going around the world speaking. I've learnt a lot from his testimony especially about not being alone, not giving up and letting God use me for His will and not mine.
I enjoyed watching this particular video because it's a long one of him sharing all the trademark bits of his story and it's at a church. He's quite funny lol and it's awesome that he's from Melbourne too!
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXTvIEpLUbk
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmhF2tt2Wkw
Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7Utk5Ejqiw
Part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WENXImuY1jM
Part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ka6y-tMEGIU
I enjoyed watching this particular video because it's a long one of him sharing all the trademark bits of his story and it's at a church. He's quite funny lol and it's awesome that he's from Melbourne too!
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXTvIEpLUbk
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmhF2tt2Wkw
Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7Utk5Ejqiw
Part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WENXImuY1jM
Part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ka6y-tMEGIU
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Japan
Every day, I continue to be amazed by God, who He is, His plan for me, how much He loves me, how beautiful His creation is, all the awesome people He has allowed me to meet and how AMAZING His grace really is.
Looking back over the past two years, I've realised now how blind I have been this whole time. At Mid Year Conference (MYC) in 2007, I first heard about "Mission Megumi", a four week mission to Japan run by Student Life, a Christian ministry at my uni. I had only been in Student Life for one semester and my relationship with God wasn't really close, so although I went to the information session, I really had no idea what it was about and what it involved. Nor did I realise that two years later I would seriously be considering to go on this mission.
Honestly, in the past I didn't really have much of an interest for Japan or for Japanese people as my interest in Korean things had overshadowed pretty much anything. I did watch a few anime though hehe which were good! But somehow I was never really cut off from Japanese things. From maybe sometime in highschool I had asked my dad to get me a Japanese book because I wanted to learn the language. (I still have the book!) However I never really committed to it because later on Korean overshadowed it. But still even after that, I discovered that my favourite Korean singer knew and sung songs in Japanese (as well as several other artists). I actually practised some of her songs in Japanese when I was in highschool haha :x After I started uni, I had wanted to study Japanese as well but because I had already chosen other subjects there was no room for it.
Anyway, even after God had allowed my path to cross with Shiho and Cecilia who were going on Mission Megumi after the 2007 MYC, I was still so blinded. I checked because I forgot lol but I did support both of them (I think), and I know Shiho had sent updates, prayer points and the newsletter after the project to me...but I don't think I really prayed for the team (-_-") nor did I read the newsletter until just today :x (after coming back with Shiho from Sydney!). I can't believe how blinded and dumb I was and how God had been giving me signs all along. I STILL have the "Mission Megumi" flier from 2007 as well which I had with my bible for the longest time ever.
Then last year I went on Beyond Brisbane and got to spend more time with Shiho, and met STINTers from Japan, Shubo and Nobu. It was a pleasure to serve with everyone on that team and I learnt so much. God really opened up my eyes as I got to know Shubo and Nobu and saw their passion for God and my lack of interest for Japan slowly began to change.
Anyway how everything seems to tie in is that when I went to Sydney with Shiho just a few days ago, she introduced me to Andy (we stayed at his house), George and Esther who had all gone on Mission Megumi as well. It definitely wasn't a coincidence that things happened the way they did.
Prior to going to Sydney, Cecilia had actually contacted me because she was preparing to go to Japan on a year long STINT (Short Term INTernational). I sort of forgot that I had supported her back in 2007 and had only had a few conversations with her before but after Beyond Brisbane I felt that God was really giving me an opportunity to be involved in ministry in Japan through supporting Cecilia. I never imagined that after meeting up with Cecilia and hearing about what she would be doing in Japan, that I would end up meeting the other two STINTers as well in Sydney.
I had always regretted that I hadn't made the most of all my time at uni to serve God but I'm pretty certain that He is giving me another opportunity to make up for lost time through "Mission Megumi". Although it's not until the end of the year I feel God is calling me to go. So many times I've missed God's call for me to serve Him but I know He's always waiting there patiently. His grace truly is sufficient for us all and I want to share this with the beautiful people of Japan! I started to think about how God has been graceful to Korean's as they have such a high percentage of Christians and I know it's about time for revival in Japan! I want to be involved and used by God if it's His will.
I'm going to study Japanese in my free time this year. finally!
Looking back over the past two years, I've realised now how blind I have been this whole time. At Mid Year Conference (MYC) in 2007, I first heard about "Mission Megumi", a four week mission to Japan run by Student Life, a Christian ministry at my uni. I had only been in Student Life for one semester and my relationship with God wasn't really close, so although I went to the information session, I really had no idea what it was about and what it involved. Nor did I realise that two years later I would seriously be considering to go on this mission.
Honestly, in the past I didn't really have much of an interest for Japan or for Japanese people as my interest in Korean things had overshadowed pretty much anything. I did watch a few anime though hehe which were good! But somehow I was never really cut off from Japanese things. From maybe sometime in highschool I had asked my dad to get me a Japanese book because I wanted to learn the language. (I still have the book!) However I never really committed to it because later on Korean overshadowed it. But still even after that, I discovered that my favourite Korean singer knew and sung songs in Japanese (as well as several other artists). I actually practised some of her songs in Japanese when I was in highschool haha :x After I started uni, I had wanted to study Japanese as well but because I had already chosen other subjects there was no room for it.
Anyway, even after God had allowed my path to cross with Shiho and Cecilia who were going on Mission Megumi after the 2007 MYC, I was still so blinded. I checked because I forgot lol but I did support both of them (I think), and I know Shiho had sent updates, prayer points and the newsletter after the project to me...but I don't think I really prayed for the team (-_-") nor did I read the newsletter until just today :x (after coming back with Shiho from Sydney!). I can't believe how blinded and dumb I was and how God had been giving me signs all along. I STILL have the "Mission Megumi" flier from 2007 as well which I had with my bible for the longest time ever.
Then last year I went on Beyond Brisbane and got to spend more time with Shiho, and met STINTers from Japan, Shubo and Nobu. It was a pleasure to serve with everyone on that team and I learnt so much. God really opened up my eyes as I got to know Shubo and Nobu and saw their passion for God and my lack of interest for Japan slowly began to change.
Anyway how everything seems to tie in is that when I went to Sydney with Shiho just a few days ago, she introduced me to Andy (we stayed at his house), George and Esther who had all gone on Mission Megumi as well. It definitely wasn't a coincidence that things happened the way they did.
Prior to going to Sydney, Cecilia had actually contacted me because she was preparing to go to Japan on a year long STINT (Short Term INTernational). I sort of forgot that I had supported her back in 2007 and had only had a few conversations with her before but after Beyond Brisbane I felt that God was really giving me an opportunity to be involved in ministry in Japan through supporting Cecilia. I never imagined that after meeting up with Cecilia and hearing about what she would be doing in Japan, that I would end up meeting the other two STINTers as well in Sydney.
I had always regretted that I hadn't made the most of all my time at uni to serve God but I'm pretty certain that He is giving me another opportunity to make up for lost time through "Mission Megumi". Although it's not until the end of the year I feel God is calling me to go. So many times I've missed God's call for me to serve Him but I know He's always waiting there patiently. His grace truly is sufficient for us all and I want to share this with the beautiful people of Japan! I started to think about how God has been graceful to Korean's as they have such a high percentage of Christians and I know it's about time for revival in Japan! I want to be involved and used by God if it's His will.
I'm going to study Japanese in my free time this year. finally!
God is in control
It has almost been two months since the Beyond Brisbane project ended. And I haven't really posted anything in this blog. But after coming back from visiting and meeting SL people in Sydney and since the holidays are almost over, I've decided to get posting in this blog! I'll just be posting anything and everything that I want to share about my walk with God and what has given me inspiration or I have found encouraging.
This is my final year of uni (already) and I'm constantly thinking about how God wants me to spend this last year, as there are several ministries that I can serve in. But although I've given it thought and prayed about it, I'm still not sure where I should be. I know I need to be more diligent with prayer because sometimes I just put my problems aside and hope that they will eventually be sorted out by themselves -_- (silly, I know). With only two weeks left before orientation I know time is running out and having to go on placements during the semester doesn't make it much easier to decide either. But something I thought about was serving where the greatest need was. I'm learning to give up the control to God of more areas of my life, a major one being my uni life. I know that so long as I make myself available to serve God, He will use me in His own way.
This is my final year of uni (already) and I'm constantly thinking about how God wants me to spend this last year, as there are several ministries that I can serve in. But although I've given it thought and prayed about it, I'm still not sure where I should be. I know I need to be more diligent with prayer because sometimes I just put my problems aside and hope that they will eventually be sorted out by themselves -_- (silly, I know). With only two weeks left before orientation I know time is running out and having to go on placements during the semester doesn't make it much easier to decide either. But something I thought about was serving where the greatest need was. I'm learning to give up the control to God of more areas of my life, a major one being my uni life. I know that so long as I make myself available to serve God, He will use me in His own way.
Saturday, 29 November 2008
Flying to Brisbane really soon!! I wrote up my testimony yesterday. It felt good to get it out after thinking about it for so long. I feel really nervous right now. About everything but also about having to share the thing I wrote. I don't think it really reflects how God has made an impact in my life, I feel as though the way I've conveyed the story of how I came to Christ is not how I really feel deep down. I want to share my experiences but I really suck at putting my thoughts together and getting straight to the point. I realise I need God so much, that it's not about what I can do, but that God let me experience the things I did.
Eh I'm really confused right now. I don't know where this is heading. I just know that God gave me the courage and confidence to stand up and although I still get scared I know that there's nothing I have to fear. Because I belong to God. I don't need to be afraid of anything because God is with me.
Eh I'm really confused right now. I don't know where this is heading. I just know that God gave me the courage and confidence to stand up and although I still get scared I know that there's nothing I have to fear. Because I belong to God. I don't need to be afraid of anything because God is with me.
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
With only a few days to go before I head to Brisbane on a summer project, I wonder to myself 'am I really prepared? Will God use me?' I'm both excited and nervous about the whole experience and although I have all these worries, I know I can never be fully prepared. If I keep waiting for the point where I feel I'm completely "prepared", I know I'll never step out to be used by God. I've been putting off the finalising of my testimony. It feels so over the place and I don't really know which bits are really worth sharing. I feel a little down that although the project is coming up, I still haven't sorted out my testimony and what kind of things I'd like to share when I'm there. I know God has done so many things in my life but the constant struggle I have to change, to turn away from distractions is stopping me from putting all my thoughts together. I keep thinking that I don't have an amazing story to share, a life-changing testimony, which in a way is true. But despite having grown up going to church, it has never meant that my spiritual state has always been good; actually, far from it. Right now I don't even know what I'm saying, it's just then when I think about the things that have happened to me in the past few years, I feel as if they should've been things I realised or experienced way earlier. I'm constantly worrying about how people would view me as a pastor's kid who is only experiencing these kind of things now.. who is only stepping out to evangelise now. I know I shouldn't care what people think, because it doesn't matter, it's never too late to experience God. I feel stupid sometimes for thinking about things like that. I feel stupid that after all I experienced when I was in Korea, I've let myself slide again and am constantly struggling to change myself. I don't want to live trapped in my old self. I know I can't do it out of my own strength but I lack faith to let God give me that strength and to take control of my broken life. I need to trust in God and let Him change me...
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